The big picture

So I'm ENGAGED!

Seems that I can finally check of the box marked "love" on the to-do list of life. Most girls have the box marked "love" and I say girls because from a young age we have that box. Sure, we may not admit it or we may consider it low priority (or say we consider it low priority) but really, the box might as well be glaring fluorescent lights with a marquee screaming "SINGLE" until it is checked. The light may start out dim, but surely gets brighter and brighter with each year and with each unsuccessful relationship.

I got lucky with Jared. He truly is a sweetheart. Kind soul, big heart, compassionate, loving, giving and thoughtful, creative, smart and ambitious. He makes me smile whenever I see his face or hear his voice. Until I met him I had never truly been in love. I remember so clearly the first moment that I knew I was in love.

The feeling was petrifying.

I could not breathe. Everything in me knew that without him I could not go on. For a girl used to being independent this is pretty much the scariest realization imaginable. It's humbling. All of the sudden you feel as if your body is turned inside out. Your heart is literally on your sleeve. Being so vulnerable is frightening.

I called my friend Jessica crying. She had introduced the two of us and knew us both well.

"What's wrong??" She asked when she heard the weakness in my voice.

I could only respond that I was in love and I had no idea what to do.

By this point Jared and I had already said "I love you", which showed me that in the past, I had really no idea what that meant, how it felt, or why anyone was so scared of it. I thought love was simply a strong affinity for someone else. I could really love anyone as long as they were nice. This was different. This was the real thing. Jessica told me to just stay calm and in a while the feeling would pass and I would be used to being in love.

She was right, thankfully. For the most part my body returned to normal after a few days. I was no longer petrified and the feeling of love transformed me from the weak vulnerable creature it had made me at first, to a woman with unshakable inner strength. LOVE. My God it's amazing. It's been over 13 months since I first fell in love and while the initial shock has never returned, I still get butterflies on a daily basis.